I Am the King

            In my last blog post I confided in you, Dear Reader, that I have a mild stutter, and that I would write more about it in a future blog entry. Well … no time like the present.

            Why is this coming up now, and what does it have to do with Fabulous Shoe Night? It all has to do with the timing and wisdom of the Universe that I've referred to many, many times before, right here in this blog. And, as always, the Universe never, ever ceases to amaze me.

            A little background. Apparently, stuttering can be hereditary, for both my parents had an uncle who stuttered, and I, in turn, passed it along to the middle of my three sons. I always joke (with an accompanying ache in my heart) that my son is a carbon copy of my husband in both looks and temperament, and that the only two things he inherited from me were his stutter, and a single, tiny stripe of brown in one of his beautiful blue eyes.  

            I like to think that, throughout the years, I've dealt with my stutter. It was a lot more pronounced when I was younger, and I feel that age and confidence have helped me conquer perhaps 90% of it. Now, having a child that stutters is almost like reliving some of my worst moments as a stutterer growing up. What "fluent people" may not be aware of is that a stutterer has an intimate, entwined, and yes … strangling relationship with the demons I'll call "Mortification" and "Humiliation." They make appearances on a daily basis. Multiple appearances. More times that anyone would ever care to count.

            My son's stutter is not mild, and it became clear that it was time to deal with it. Traditional speech therapy, both in school and with private therapists, had no effect. Stuttering is a nasty, insidious S.O.B., not only immensely difficult to treat, but able to cripple both a child's self-confidence and self-worth. Well … not in my house. My son is just too damn awesome.

            Through chance and serendipity (there's that word again!), we learned of an intensive 12 day program at Hollins Communications Research Institute in Roanoke, Virginia, with a 93% success rate. Because our son is 13, and there are no dormitories on campus, he'd have to stay at a nearby hotel and be accompanied by a parent or guardian. Due to my husband's job, there was never any question that I would be the one to take him. 

            It was in January, while we were on a conference call with the program's director going over our son's medical history, speech history, etc., that she suggested I, too, participate in the program. I'd be there anyway, she said … why not take advantage of the time I was there and do the program with my son?

            Wait … WHAT???

             Out of politeness, I resisted the urge to scoff. I mean … I was fine. I've dealt with it. I don't let my stutter hold me back, not anymore. The whole idea was, well … preposterous to me. Again, out of politeness, I pretended that I would consider it.

            Humph. 

            

            But … I couldn't get away from it. I could feel the hand of the Universe in the perfect timing of this "random" opportunity. There really are no coincidences. Fabulous Shoe Night continues to grow and expand. We're opening chapters near and far, and I've already been asked to do a bit of public speaking. But those occasions were with smaller groups, of about 100 or so people, and I felt I adequately dealt with the nervousness that I might, verbally, fall apart in front of the audience. Thankfully, I didn't, although in the back of my mind, there was always the looming fear of how I would react to larger audiences.

            Yet, I felt I had come up with a creative way to address it. The acclaim and popularity of the movie, "The King's Speech" provided a natural segway . To face the monster head-on and take on it's real, or imagined, power, I thought that at my next public speaking event, if I felt the need to, I could simply start by asking if anyone in the audience saw the movie. Then, deadpan, announce, "I am the King."

            In referencing the movie, I thought it would be a succinct, yet somewhat humorous, one-line way to address it. Addressing it head-on would not only be a way to take control and tackle that initial nervousness, literally, by the monster's horns, but to open my heart and the very essence of who I am, vulnerabilities and all, to the audience ... with a gentle humor.

            Ah, but the Universe obviously had other plans. Now, seemingly out of the blue, I was presented with an opportunity to close what was likely the most defining chapter of my life, perhaps in preparation of a new, bolder chapter. The question was … was I up for the challenge this tremendous change would present, especially when it was so intimately tied with my sense of self? There is no doubt that my stutter "shaped" who I am, and I feel, because of it, I was a better nurse, and now, I hope, a more caring and empathetic mother, and a better person overall. 

            True to form, with it's characteristic eloquence and impeccable timing, the Universe is presenting me with this next task. I see it as an opportunity, certainly, but also as another important milestone on my Fabulous Shoe Night journey. There will likely be more public speaking in my future, so I might as well be prepared. Yet I also see my participation in the program as a way to show the Universe just how committed and serious I am about Fabulous Shoe Night. It's my way of saying, "See … ? This is immeasurably important to me. I'm ready. Bring it."

             

             So, for two weeks this month, my son and I will be away, in Roanoke, dealing with  … the demon. I am far more excited for my son than myself. He is the funniest, sweetest, most open-hearted child. I can't wait to see him blossom. 

            As for me, I knew I'd be fine, either way, whether I participated in the program or not, since my stutter is mild. But I look forward to dealing with the demon, taking control of it, and basically, showing just who is boss. Once and for all. 

            I know that while I'm gone, I'll have new, different adventures that will perhaps relate to Fabulous Shoe Night in some way. And you know I'll share them with you, Reader. As I think you can tell, this is by far my most intensely personal blog post to date, but … I knew I could trust you to understand. We're simpatico like that.

            Going forward, however,  I may need some new humor to "warm up the audience," since the "I am the King" line will hopefully be obsolete the next time I need to address a crowd. But, at least in my own mind, in my house full of all boys, and certainly in my shoe closet … I'll always be the Queen.

             All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.  ~~ Anatole France

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Q&A: Fabulous Shoe Night Founder Jennifer McDevitt - Main Line Today - June 2012 - Philadelphia, PA

Q&A: Fabulous Shoe Night Founder Jennifer McDevitt - Main Line Today - June 2012 - Philadelphia, PA

Beautiful Blur

            I've heard it said that the #1 fear in life, preceding even illness and death, is public speaking. Having a mild stutter (more about that in a future blog post), I can certainly relate. So I was downright terrified when I was invited to speak at a financial seminar for low to moderate income women as a blogger at Community College of Philadelphia.  

            While it was immensely flattering that my blog received this kind of recognition, not even a full year into it's existence,  I still had that pesky public speaking aspect to deal with.

            Sigh. Let me tell you … it was quite the conundrum.     

           

            Being a practical girl, I decided that I had one of two ways to deal with the situation. I could let fear and panic overtake me and (quite literally) fall apart in front of the audience, or I could feel proud and confident about what I've created, put on my big girl panties, and just talk to them about my passion. I'm happy to say I chose Option B.  

But there was another hurdle to overcome, far removed from any concerns I had that I might stutter. 

           There are a lot of misconceptions about Fabulous Shoe Night, and I run into them frequently. The most common is that we sell shoes. The  second, and I think most misleading, is that the word "fabulous" implies high-end, ridiculously expensive designer shoes. Just to clear up any confusion once and for all, neither of these are true.

My main fear was that the audience would be unable to relate to me ... that I would come off as some bored suburban housewife with a "folly," and that they wouldn't be able to identify with me because of that critical first impression. You know … the one we all make. 

           Again, I felt I had one of two options. I could give into my own nervousness that they wouldn't "like" me, or, I could speak from my heart about just what it is that I feel so passionately about, the near paralyzing fear that keeps me up at night, and what I have attached literally my every hope and dream to. I could talk to them about my "baby." And oh … I do love my baby.

           Remarkably, once I began speaking, my nervousness melted away.  Much like writing my blog, I just opened up my heart and let what was inside come pouring out. 

           I shared stories about my journey thus far … the doubts and fears I sometimes still have, the letters of gratitude that have made me cry (and motivate me to continue on when those doubts creep in), the wonderful friendships I've made, the magic, serendipity and guidance I've felt along the way, and the crucial lessons I learned from the "mean girls." (http://fabulousshoenight.blogspot.com/2011/11/something-so-simple.html)

           A few minutes into my presentation, I noticed subtle, but perceptible, changes in their body language. Arms began to uncross. I noticed heads nodding in agreement here and there, then smiles and laughs. It was when I got to the pivotal part about my transformational encounter with the mean girls, and the very valuable lessons I learned that led me to write the following in our Club Rules: "In Fabulous Shoe Night, there is no ego, no drama, no competition, and no mean girls,"  I got … cheers. 

           I felt like Sally Field at her famous Oscar acceptance speech …"You like me! You really like me!" Yes, they liked me. And, more important, they liked Fabulous Shoe Night and everything it stands for, because they saw it has nothing to do with what almost everyone assumes it does. We are not a bunch of bored suburban housewives, wearing those ridiculously priced shoes. We're … you.

           While I was literally basking in their applause and acceptance, it hit me. I was clearly in the minority that day, both in terms of skin color and economics.  It occurred to me that the uniqueness of this situation was a true litmus test of the Fabulous Shoe Night concept.

           To put it in it's simplest form, a mere glance around the room would have shown our "differences" to be glaringly obvious, but the FSN concept transcended any such separation between us. That's the beauty of helping others … these lines, so clearly defined by history and society, blur … and then magically disappear altogether.

           There are no delineations in FSN … no age limits, social status,  tax bracket … not even heel height. We're just a group of women, like you,  banding together to do some good in the world.

           While looking fabulous.





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Universal

            

            More than once on this Fabulous Shoe Night "journey," as I call it, I've been made acutely aware of the presence of … the Universe. While I don't plan to get all "New Age-y" on you, frankly I don't know what else to call it. And, to be brutally honest, I find myself down-right puzzled by it.

          

            To be sure, the creation and execution of Fabulous Shoe Night has stretched my comfort zones further, and more quickly and efficiently, than I'd have ever thought possible. Where 13 months ago I was "just a mom,"  I am now doing things I'd never imagined, from magazine photo shoots to speaking at a financial seminar for women as a community blogger. It's exhilarating and fun, but also scary. Yet through it all, I have always been aware of what I feel to be … guidance. Confused as I am by that, there's just no other word for it.

 This is where my confusion comes in; I am not a conventionally "religious" person … certainly not with all the horror revealed on a daily basis in the news about the Catholic church. But Fabulous Shoe Night has made me aware of a spiritual side I never knew existed within me, far removed from any teachings of any organized religion.

 All the times I've written about things like serendipity, magic and coincidence, I've also been conscious of something larger and more pervasive. In a recent blog post, I wrote that I feel I'm not as much going down a path as I'm being led down one. And this is doing strange things to me. Instead of trying to control outcomes and circumstances, I'm more likely now to "go with the flow," sometimes even going as far as to say before large events or new and intimidating experiences, "Okay, Universe, do what you want with this one. I'm putting my trust in you."  By doing this, I've learned that the Universe has far better ideas and outcomes than anything I may have conjured up in my wildest imagination. I have been consistently delighted with the results … and that's incredibly cool.

For instance, virtually all of our growth has been what I'll call "organic," and this was by design on my part. I have never tried to force anything, instead trusting in the timing and wisdom of the Universe. Again, I've never been let down, but instead thrilled and in awe of what eventually transpired.

 Now, as we are on the cusp of tremendous growth,  it's both exhilarating and terrifying. I feel a tremendous amount of responsibility because Fabulous Shoe Night has the potential to help so many people, so I need to execute our plans in a very careful, painstaking manner to avoid implosion. If you think about it, should things go as we hope, it's feasible to have FSN chapters in every state of the U.S. ... perhaps even every county or even town. That's a lot of local charities receiving money, a lot of people getting help. And who's to say it begins and ends in the U.S.? Think about that for a moment. Chilling, right? Believe me … I know.

 So while people tell me all the time that I've hit on some "universal

 concept" of women and shoes, I've decided not to get intimidated pondering these infinite possibilities and ramifications. In my latest conversation with the Universe, I decided to keep it simple. 

Let's not focus so intensely on the word "universal." 

Instead … I'll settle for "global."

         “The universe doesn’t give you what you ask for with your thoughts - it         

           gives you what you demand with your actions."   ~~ Steve Maraboli

         

#WINNING!!!

At the ripe old age of … well, never mind, I'm learning a new language, and it's a bit intimidating. Anyone over the age of 12 would scoff, but I am learning the language of "tweeting" on Twitter.  It's a remarkably powerful tool, and like anything wielding great power, I hope I convey the appropriate amount of reverence and respect. Which is probably why I rarely use it, not wanting to "tweet" haphazardly and appear to be … well, a twit.

About a year ago, a certain Hollywood "bad-boy" engaged in a Twitter war feuding with the producer, and later network, of a wildly popular sitcom. He bragged about his goddesses, tiger blood, and all sorts of oddball goings-on. In one of his most publicized Tweets, he declared himself the winner of his ongoing battle with the single word "winning," preceded by the hashtag symbol (#), which, I've learned, is used for emphasis. 

In the least competitive way possible, I feel that Fabulous Shoe Night is #winning!! as well, so I've borrowed this now famous Tweet to emphasize my point. I can only hope Tiger Blood Man doesn't mind.

One of the best things about Fabulous Shoe Night is that everyone wins. Think about that for a minute: Everyone wins, all the time. How often does that happen?

Our Fabulous Shoe Night members certainly #win because, well ... for so many reasons. Our group provides a fun girl's night out, every month, a reason to wear your most fabulous shoes, and an opportunity to meet other fabulous women … all while helping a local charity. For most of us, it's a welcome departure from the never-ending gerbil wheel of children, car-pooling, sports, dinner, homework, dishes, laundry, making lunches … need I go on?  There are friendships being made, networking going on, and just a good time had by everyone. That's what joining together for a good cause does. There is an absolute feel-good aspect to Fabulous Shoe Night, which is why our numbers are ever increasing.

The restaurant where we hold our monthly Girl's Nights Out absolutely #wins.  To put it briefly, what restaurant wouldn't want a group of lively, dynamic fabulous shoe-wearing women in every single month? (Shhh, don't say anything, but ... just wait until the men catch on! )

The chapter's charity of choice #wins. And since every chapter's monthly GNO must benefit a charity in their hometown, we're certainly spreading the love on a local level. We won't exclude larger, more established charities, but I feel strongly that there is need everywhere … even, and especially, in our own backyards. So, for us, the giving begins at home.

Our sponsors #win. Not only is sponsoring as easy as paying for part or all of the food at a Fabulous Shoe Night GNO, but when our sponsors offer a perk to our members, such as a discount on a product or service, they see an increase in business. And by getting sponsors, we're able to give that much more money to the charity we're helping out. #WINNING!

But this, my friends, is where the magic and serendipity of Fabulous Shoe Night show their lovely influence yet again ...

I was thinking that a cute way to end this post would be to make a witty comment that having such #winning odds, we should take our stilettos to Las Vegas, when (NO LIE!!) … 

I get an inquiry on the Fabulous Shoe Night Facebook page about starting a FSN chapter in … you guessed it … VEGAS!

 Hmmm … I'm starting to think Lady Luck wears fabulous shoes.

"Well, look who I ran into," crowed Coincidence.

"Please," flirted Fate, "This was meant to be."  ~ as seen on Pinterest

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Mood-Elevator

I don't consider myself to be a particularly moody person, but every now and then, a blue mood creeps up on me. Actually, it's something we all have to contend with, as it's part of the human experience, and sadly, no one is immune. 

Conversely, there are a multitude of "mood-elevators" out there to help combat these occasional feelings of sadness, which range from chemical to herbal, yoga and meditation to hard-core exercise, music, and even sleep. Then there are the vices, and again, we all have them to some extent; shopping, alcohol, cigarettes, gambling, prescription and illegal drugs, and, my personal favorite … chocolate. 

(You thought I was going to include shoe shopping, didn't you?!)

Okay … I won't lie. I admit that I've occasionally sought out some form of shoe therapy … but only now and then, and with varying degrees of success. But sometimes even a gorgeous pair of 4" stilettos didn't do the trick.

Throughout what I've come to call my "Fabulous Shoe Night Journey," I've noticed something remarkable. For lack of a better term, FSN has added punctuation to my life, immeasurably enriching it, while underscoring my experiences on this journey with color and emphasis. This last year has been a roller coaster of emotions for me … all felt more intensely, indeed because of Fabulous Shoe Night.

So, imagine how it felt this week to present the Family Support Line, (www.familysupportline.org), who will be receiving the proceeds of our Media, PA chapter's monthly Girls' Nights Out for all of 2012, with more than $600 from the proceeds from just one GNO in  March? I'm still flying … literally soaring. And it got me to thinking …

It's so easy. So wonderfully, simply, powerfully easy. 

In a bad mood? Feeling blue?

Give.

That's right … just give.

Give a compliment, give a smile. Give a hug or a kiss. Hold a door open for a stranger. It doesn't have to cost you anything. Let someone ahead of you in the grocery line if they have fewer items than you. I recently did this for a woman, and that simple gesture started a conversation that left us both smiling when she waved good-bye. We teach our three boys to hold doors open for people when we're in public. This small gesture never fails to elicit gratitude, and more often than not, surprise, because it's so unexpected and up-lifting.  The best part is that it makes them feel good … which means they do it more often, on their own. I can't think of a more valuable lesson to give my boys.

Yes, Fabulous Shoe Night is fun. Women love to get dressed up and share cocktails and conversation with other women, but I can tell you that as a group, that's not why we meet. We come together, every month, because we know we're making a difference, and it feels good. Doing good feels good.

It's during those blue moods that we feel most alone in the world, yet, ironically enough, it's an experience we all share. The human experience, with all it's up and downs and roller coaster emotions, is unfailingly enriched by reaching out to those who need a hand, or perhaps, even just a chance. 

Want an example? This is my gift to you. It literally exemplifies every point I've discussed, from elevating mood, giving someone a chance, to that unexpected, unbelievably up-lifting rush of emotion that absolutely defines the human experience and connects us all to one another.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZsNlcr4frs4

Now … how do you feel? 

(Smile) I know … me, too. Now go out there and pass it on, in any form you choose. That's the beauty of giving … the possibilities are not only endless, but more far-reaching than you may have ever thought possible.

And not only will you feel … well, fabulous, but I'd be willing to bet that it will elevate your mood higher than any pair of 4" stilettos.

          "Remember that the happiest people are not those getting more, but those giving more."  ~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Birthday Wishes

            

            Did you know it's our birthday? Well, it is … kind of! 

            It was a year ago that I was having dinner with my dear friend Andrea when we were both complimented on our shoes. The same exact day that I took my "Terrible Fall." (Yes … the incident was so big, and so significant, that I think both capitalization and quotation marks are justified! In fact, I feel I showed remarkable restraint by deciding against italics and bold typeface as well!) If you've forgotten that particular story, here's a link. I, for one, don't wish to be reminded  … writing about it was enough, thank-you-very-much. 

            

            http://fabulousshoenight.blogspot.com/2011/09/part-1-trip-ive-relayed-several-times.html  

            So much has happened in our first year, and so much continues to happen, that I live in a state of perpetual amazement. Throughout my blog posts in this first year, I've thrown around words like "serendipity," "magic," and "fairy dust" … not for any sort of comic relief or writer's embellishment, but because I really feel I have experienced them. Sometimes I wonder that if on that day of the "Terrible Fall," natural clumsiness, 4 inch heels and a wet floor didn't have as much to do with it as I was perhaps struck by lightning that infused me with an unforeseen bolt of creativity, for that was the very beginning of it all.

            Let me be honest … I have never been creative. Ever.  The one creative endeavor I can even think of was back when I was first married, and made meatloaf in the shape of a heart for Valentine's Day. Now, however, I have ideas literally erupting night and day … fruitful, magnificent, prolific ideas, all with honest to goodness potential, that leave me, and those who know me best, scratching our heads in wonder at where they're all coming from? And while it is not lost on me that a good idea is just that, and that it is the execution that matters most, the fact I am having them at all is nothing short of amazing. (I mean, really …. meatloaf??)

            When describing this fantastic journey I find myself on, I've often said that I don't feel that I'm on a path as much as I feel I'm being led down a path … and that the Universe somehow approves. Doors I never knew existed are suddenly being thrown open, and I am witnessing some of the very ideas that have leapt into my head actually come to fruition. When this happens I am often in awe, but always, always filled with a profound sense of gratitude.

            People often ask me what they can do to help, and my answer is always the same: Come to a Fabulous Shoe Night event. Or, better yet, if our founding chapter in Media, PA is geographically undesirable, start a chapter of your own. Several ambitious, self-starting, fabulous women have done just that, and I can't help but giggle in delight when they tell me that mere mention of the words "Fabulous Shoe Night" never fail to elicit the same response when they tell their friends about it; invariably, there is a widening of the eyes, followed by a gasp, and the words, ""What is that??? Tell me more!!" 

            Ironically enough, what we're really after is feet in the door … many feet, in all different types of shoes. For the more women who come to a Fabulous Shoe Night "Girl's Night Out," the more money goes to the local charity we're helping for a year, the Family Support Line, or the local charities our sister chapters are contributing to in their hometowns.  Better yet, bring friends, lots of them. The equation is simple … more feet = more money for charity.

            So, on this very special first birthday, this is our birthday wish as we blow out the single candle on our (imaginary) cake; We would be most honored if  you would celebrate with us. 

            But please … no gifts. Your presence is present enough!

            "So powerful is the light of unity that it can illuminate the whole earth." ~~ Baha'u'llah

            *** Interested in Starting a Fabulous Shoe Night chapter where you live? Email me at jenginuity@aol.com