I always said that if I were ever blessed with a daughter, I would want a spunky girl … not some shy, wilting wallflower people would try walk all over. It seems a lot of women of my generation were raised to "be nice" to avoid "offending" someone or appearing "rude." While it's a good concept in theory, in practice it can send the wrong message, often to our own detriment.
Although I hate to admit it, for a long time, I was one of those women who was "nice" … so nice that sometimes others tried to take advantage where they thought they could.
How sad is it that some people see another's good nature as a sign of weakness? I may be nice, but let's be honest here … I'm no dummy. That's where I've often been underestimated, and secretly, I love to be underestimated. There's nothing quite like the satisfaction of sweetly, politely, yet firmly pulling the rug out beneath someone who's trying to pull one over on you.
Since the inception of Fabulous Shoe Night, I've learned more than I ever dreamed possible about this not-so-nice side of people. Looking back, I see now that not only was I was naive, but some of it was actually my own fault. I was too trusting, never thinking that the motives of others may be less than pure.
One of my dearest friends, David, warned me of this long before I experienced any real ramifications. Coming into the Fabulous Shoe Night idea with literally zero business experience (I used to be a nurse, then stayed home to raise my boys for 15 years), I frequently said different variations of, "I don't know what I'm doing! … I'm making this up as I go along! … I'm flying by the seat of my Spanx!"
While I very well may have been flying by the seat of my Spanx, David would scold me nonetheless. "Would you stop saying that??" he'd say crossly. "You do know what you're doing, and if you keep saying that, someone is going to try to take advantage of you!!"
Unfortunately, it didn't take long for that to happen. There was the (now former) advisory board member who told me I "wouldn't always have control over FSN," and that she and the other advisory board members "could someday vote against you and even vote you out of Fabulous Shoe Night altogether." Hmmm … really? Well, thanks for the tip, Sweetheart! By that next week, papers had already been filed naming me sole owner of Fabulous Shoe Night, something my attorney husband had been after me to do anyway. Oh, and … she was removed from the advisory board.
Another lesson came in the form of a potential chapter leader whose boyfriend was an attorney. When she told me that, and said he "had some problems" with the contract I require all chapter leaders to sign, I stayed silent, but inwardly thought, "Oh, really? How cute. My 'boyfriend' is an attorney, too … for 22 years now!" They proposed a revision of the existing contract to state that I would be unable to hire another chapter leader within a 50 mile radius of her chapter. Um, I'm sorry … let me get this straight. You want complete and utter control of the growth of the organization I formed, within 50 miles of where I formed it ??
Humph. Not likely, but I do have one word for you, Honey …
"Next!!!"
While it didn't exactly happen often, it happened often enough where I'd see that certain people mistook my niceness for naiveté, or worse, downright stupidity. But that was okay, as it gave me an unseen, and certainly unexpected, edge.
Always one to look on the positive side, as vexing and obnoxious as these people were, I can't deny that they taught me a lot. I've learned that although I went to nursing school and not business school, I do know exactly what I'm doing when it comes to Fabulous Shoe Night. I learned to trust my intuition, because it's not only good, but dead-on. I learned to immediately cut off business ties that set off my inner warning bells … because when I don't, I unfailingly regret it later.
I also learned to always be nice, but at the same time have an iron will and unshakable confidence, because if certain people sense otherwise, they'll try to use it to their advantage.
So, if you find I'm polite yet firm, open to suggestions, but stand my ground, singularly focused on my vision and ultimate goal, not to be deterred, please … don't be offended or take it personally. Just know that I'm secure in who I am and sure of what it is I want to accomplish. Because at the end of the day, this is business, with a capital "B," and I am a businesswoman.
Wait … ? What …??
You were thinking of another "B" word …?
"Dealing with people is probably the biggest problem you face, especially if you are in business. Yes, and that is also true if you are a housewife, architect or engineer." ~~ Dale Carnegie
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