Labor Pain

Since it's conception, I have thought of Fabulous Shoe Night as my "baby." I feel as though I not only gave birth to the concept, so to speak, but like any mother of a newborn, I marvel, almost daily, at the growth and change that take place before my very eyes as ideas spin around and morph into solid shape. Then there is the exhaustion. I am beyond exhausted. My enthusiasm for FSN literally keeps me up at night. My eyes fly open most nights between 2:00 and 3:00 AM, and I am wide awake, instantly ... with already half-formed ideas fighting to get to the surface. And like any new mother, I feel exhilaration, pride, joy, love .... and fear.

What if I fail?

What if I can't do this?

What if .... ??

I think with any new venture, fear is part of the process. I know I can't do this alone ... that's why I have my carefully chosen (and wonderful) advisory board. It really does take a village to raise a child, especially this child. When moments of fear and doubt bubble up, they are my guide posts, my voices of reason. They patiently listen to my fears ( "LLC?? What's that? Not for profit or non-profit? BOTH?? I was a nurse, people! I don't understand any of this stuff!!") and then more or less tell me, "That's why we're here."  It became clear that not only have I poured my entire heart and soul into this, but I have attached enormous emotional significance ... perhaps too much. So much that it scares me sometimes ... and keeps me up at night.

I came to realize that despite all my fear and doubt, despite the little voice in my head that we all have that whispers, "Who do you think you're kidding?", that I simply cannot NOT try. It's as though that option doesn't even exist. It would be like trying to live with half a heart ... it's just not possible. I BELIEVE in this. There is an unseen spark buried deep within my heart that urges me -- persistently, so persistently! -- to keep going forward. And so I do ... because I would literally wither and die if I tried to ignore it. So, whether Fabulous Shoe Night fails or succeeds, I have to continue on, day by day ... put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.

One step at a time.

Every day.

Click, click, click, click.

That's me ...

In my stilettos ...

Can you hear me coming??