Holding Hands

Aside from the incredible gift of my my three sons, Fabulous Shoe Night has been one of the biggest blessings of my life. In addition to feeling that I have found my life's purpose, what I was truly put on Earth to do, we are doing so much good in the world. And that feels, well ... fabulous.

While we at Fabulous Shoe Night are busy doing what we do best … creating fun events for women that raise money for local charities at the same time, and all the good will and positive feelings that are generated, as with anything in life, it hasn't all been … fabulous.

No matter where you go, or what your intentions are, people are people, and their true colors will come out eventually. Greedy, vicious, envious people will see all the light we are creating, and, like everyone else, be attracted to it … for the wrong reason.

Lets face it … Fabulous Shoe Night is a really good idea, and really good ideas are routinely hijacked by greedy, uncreative, unscrupulous people looking for the easy way out. But … imitation really is the sincerest form of flattery. And while I understand that elements of this little concept I created will likely be copied, and I honestly am flattered, I've learned a few things from the rug burn resulting from their attempts to drag me down.

First of all, let it be said that I can't be dragged down. That will only happen if I allow it by giving up, and that's not about to happen. In a way, I am Fabulous Shoe Night. I'm not only the creator of it, but also the face and voice of the organization. I make the "rules" that make FSN so special … and I do that by following my heart and listening to my intuition. As we grow, I continue to create the representation of FSN through my choice of chapter leaders. It was only when I didn't listen to my intuition that I made bad choices in my eagerness to expand.

I won't get into the gory details here, but I will say that there was what I'll call "unnecessary roughness" in the manner certain people once connected to FSN chose to leave our organization.  The ironic thing is that the way they chose to leave doesn't say anything about me or Fabulous Shoe Night, but instead speaks volumes about them.

I mean, really …. don't people get that??

I think what I found most upsetting was the glaring indicator that I didn't follow my intuition, for I had concerns about them from the very beginning. What was also confusing was the all-consuming zeal that was evident in their attempts to bring me down. On it's most basic level, mean people are, ultimately, profoundly unhappy people. And while I really am sorry that you're so miserable, just go, okay?

I won't lie … the fact that someone was so willfully vicious was disconcerting, to say the least. And that she was on the inside, was even a confidant about my hopes and dreams for the future for FSN, made the betrayal that much more upsetting. I just couldn't make sense of it, other than it was fueled by an envy to take what I created.  

It was shortly after I discovered that things had been purposefully, unnecessarily deleted on my website that my emotions came crashing down on me. I was, quite frankly, really, really depressed. Here we are raising so much money for local charities in our communities, doing actual, tangible good in the world, and I was literally under attack. 

I knew getting any work done that day was futile. On a whim, not knowing what else to do, I decided to visit our friend Archie, the 96 year old father of one of our friends. 

Archie lives in a local nursing home, and has good days and bad days. On a good day, he and my husband will talk for our entire visit, and he'll regale us with stories ranging from childhood memories of sneaking homemade wine from barrels his father stored in the basement to his time served in the war. His recall is nothing short of remarkable, and his quick wit indicates that his mind is as sharp as ever. On the occasional bad day he won't talk much, and it appears that his inner twinkle is gone. But, in typical Archie style, that twinkle magically reappears, without fail, every time I lean in for a kiss.

When I got to his room, Archie was lying in bed, eyes closed. Not sure if he was sleeping or not, I crept in quietly, not wanting to wake him. He must have sensed my presence, for he opened his eyes.  I didn't get the smile I usually receive, and knew immediately that this was a "bad day." 

As I was having a bad day myself, I didn't chatter on as I usually do, trying to elicit a smile; I just sat by his bedside and held his hand. Archie closed his eyes again, and there we sat … content to be in one another's company. Every now and then, I would feel him give my hand a squeeze, and I would squeeze back in return. There was so much communication in that simple gesture, so much being said. More than just chatter, trying to fill empty silences with words, any words, Archie and I are somehow beyond that, for our silences are anything but empty.

Despite the cold, damp dreariness of the weather, my utter confusion and depression about being under attack, the sting of betrayal, and our mutual bad day, my 60 minute visit flew by. Archie didn't drift back to sleep, as I thought he would. We were just there, both of us fully present, enjoying our limited time together. No words needed to be said, nothing explained … we were just there, for each other.

When it was time to go, I leaned in for my customary kiss goodbye, and the twinkle in his eyes returned. Again, as is customary, I told him I loved him, that he is "my favorite," and his twinkle burned a bit brighter. He squeezed my hands tighter in return, and said he loved me, too. As is our routine, I said I loved him more, and he beamed  brighter still, willingly conceding, letting me love him more, allowing himself to be loved more.

As the elevator began it's long descent down, I could feel my heart soaring curiously upward. Nothing was really said during our visit to alleviate the confusion and heaviness that occupied my heart that day; no words of wisdom were imparted, no venting occurred. I simply sat in silence, holding the hand of a 96 year old friend, yet I was undeniably, inexplicably joyful.

My feelings of elation didn't didn't dim that day, but lingered instead. After thinking about it, it became clear that while rotten people abound in this world, that we've all had experiences with similar people, what really matters is the love we share with those we are close to. 

This simple yet profound experience clarified that feelings of love are strong, in fact far stronger, than the negativity others may try to impart on you. And that is precisely why Fabulous Shoe Night will flourish, despite the efforts of those few trying to bring me, and Fabulous Shoe Night, down. Our motivation is pure, fueled simply by love, and deep desire to help others, to make the world a better place. 

At the end of the day, it's all so very, very simple. 

Nothing else really matters.

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.  It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.  We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.  ~Albert Schweitzer

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