The idea for Fabulous Shoe Night first came to me when I was at a serious crossroads in my life. Not only were my children getting older and in school all day, but I was at a professional impasse as well. I didn't want to return to being a wound care nurse because it would entail months of re-training after my 15 year absence, and frankly, I didn't want to bring on the stress of being a floor nurse again. I knew I was lucky that I didn't "have to" work, but not working was clearly not working for me. I was bored and increasingly frustrated, and that frustration led to sadness and a kind of hollow hopelessness. I was unhappy … the kind of unhappiness that results when you know you're just not living up to your full potential. Not even close.
It got to the point where I would lie in bed at night, wide awake long after everyone else had fallen asleep … and cry. I was able-bodied and intelligent, but what was I really doing with my life? Sure, raising our three boys to be kind, thoughtful, productive men was important, but I yearned for more. There was something more out there meant for me … I just knew it. I just didn't know what.
It was during these tear-filled nights that I began to pray. Not the prayers of my childhood I was taught to say before bed, but more like talking … which eventually turned into pleading. "Use me," I'd whisper. "Tell me what it is you want me to do. Show me." It became the mantra I'd repeat until I finally fell asleep, but not before adding, shyly, "But … if I may make a teeny suggestion? Just … not as an organ donor … okay?"
Many months passed before I finally got what I feel was my answer. Sometimes I think God, or the Universe, (or whatever name you use for that higher power), waits to see the consistency of our prayers, perhaps to gauge our sincerity and intent. I wrote about the day I feel I got what I would only later realize was my answer in a previous two-part blog post entitled "The (Too) High Price of Fashion." (http://fabulousshoenight.blogspot.com/2011/09/part-1-trip-ive-relayed-several-times.html). I like to think that I was struck by lightning on that pivotal day … although, at the time, all I really wanted to do was crawl into the nearest hole.
While I often refer to this experience of building Fabulous Shoe Night as a "journey," it has not been an easy one. Our format has changed and evolved over time into a solid business model, but there have been potholes and missteps along the way. Now, we are facing growing pains borne out of our rapid growth. A good problem to have, certainly, but it can be daunting, overwhelming and downright frightening as well.
Happily, the benefits Fabulous Shoe Night presents far outweigh any of our current challenges. Truly, I see this as one of the great gifts of my life. In some ways, I envision my journey bringing FSN to fruition as the act of actually unwrapping that gift, and that these kinks we are finding now are really just additional layers of frothy tissue paper to sift through as we dig deeper to unveil the shining present at the bottom, whole and complete.
It never dawned on me that others would come to think of Fabulous Shoe Night as a gift in their lives as well, but, as FSN continually surprises and delights me, I really shouldn't be surprised. My wonderful, wonderful chapter leaders have each told me that they are grateful for the opportunity to start and lead a chapter to support charities in their communities and take part in the FSN journey. But it has evolved into more than that, even in their own lives.
Time and again, I hear that Fabulous Shoe Night has brought unexpected joy, friendships, meaning and purpose to their lives. And the kicker is, they thank me!! Yet it is really I who is incredibly grateful to them. What they see as an opportunity is actually their participation in helping to make my dream a reality, for I couldn't do any of this without them.
It was while pondering this immense, seemingly unending capacity Fabulous Shoe Night has toward giving that I realized it is not as much that gift in a box, waiting to be unwrapped, as it is an energy and entity all it's own … a movement that simply cannot be contained. It is growing, expanding, and, by the very laws of nature, things that grow have a heartbeat, a life-force, do they not? If you think about it, it is a gift … a gift we are able, and grateful, to give, month after month, to charities in our communities, in our own backyards.
What we have essentially created is a giving circle, for giving has a profound effect on the giver as well. The more we see the effects of Fabulous Shoe Night in our own communities, the more we want to spread the word, and the giving. We have realized, perhaps with some fear and trepidation at the enormity of our shared scope, that we can take this far … so far, for the potential truly is boundless. There are no boundaries in Fabulous Shoe Night. It is a gift we hope to, and can, give to the world.
And, thinking about that, is where the feelings of fear, joy, hope and thrill leap into my heart, for we haven't even gotten started yet.
In fact … we've barely just begun.
In fact … we've barely just begun.
"Giving of any kind … taking action … begins the process of change, and moves us to remember that we are part of a much greater universe." ~~ Mbali Creazzo
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